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04 May 2009 @ 12:22 am
TW/DWFic: Feels Like Drowning [Jack/Mickey/Ianto]  
[Feels Like Drowning | Crossover: TW/DW | Jack/Mickey/Ianto | U-Rated | 308words | comment_fic prompt: feels like drowning]

There are always jokes shared between them; some that are private and can’t be explained, some that aren't but won’t be explained,-

"One of those 'you had to be there moments', you know what I mean, right, Ianto?" Jack says when he chances to ask and Ianto smiles (tightly) and Jack laughs as if it’s the funniest thing.

-Except he doesn't. He doesn't know what Jack means when he says things like that anymore and a part of him feels like he isn't supposed to. That all he is supposed to do is smile and nod and go and make more coffee whilst Jack turns to Mickey with a grin and a wink and he hears their laughter simultaneously bursting forth as he turns his back and leaves the room.

He doesn’t know anything anymore. Nothing’s the same. Nothing will ever be the same again. Not since Tosh and Owen… Not since Jack brought his new team home without so much as a thought as to how Ianto and Gwen would feel about it.

It feels like betrayal. It feels like drowning.

He feels like he’s treading his way through life like a shipwrecked man treads water trying to find his way to an unattainable shore. Only, he knows, there will be no island paradise waiting to save him from this existence.

He lies in Jack’s arms at night (every night) and stares with sightless eyes at the ceiling above… and he pretends that Mickey is not curled up close on Jack’s other side; his arms wrapped tight and possessively about Jack’s waist as if to stake his claim even in lust sated sleep.

Ianto pretends the tears that run soundlessly down his face (every night) are of amusement and not of grief as he silently laughs his way through the cosmic joke that has become his life.

fin.