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21 November 2006 @ 08:36 pm
TWFanFic: Mercy In You [Jack/Ianto]  
Title: Mercy In You
Author: CS_WhiteWolf
Rating(s): PG/13-Rated.
Pairing(s): Jack Harkness/ Ianto Jones.
Warning(s): Angst.
Word Count: 1277words.
Summary: Unbetad. Set during 1.04 Cyberwoman, a moment between Lisa’s death and Ianto’s return to the hub.
 
Dedication: Written for harem_ent who wanted my take on the ‘missing scene’ towards the end of Episode 1.04. This is for sharing in the Gareth-stalking and pants-signing, darling! XD
 
 - - -
 
The sound of their gunshots resounded around the basement room long after Jack and his team had ceased firing; the smell of death clenching at their bellies and sickening them to the core as they took in the scene of destruction before them with disbelief.
 
Then came the silence.
 
It was absolute and deafening for one peaking moment before the low wail of a man with nothing more to lose rose up into the air and they were forced to watch as Ianto stumbled and collapsed brokenly to his knees beside the body of what was once his girlfriend.
 
“Get out,” Jack hissed, not taking his eyes off Ianto as the younger man broke down into sobs, his arms hanging limply at his sides- too shell shocked to do anything more than cry his heart out and though Jack could not see Ianto’s face, he swore he felt the exact moment Ianto broke, something deep inside him shattering into a million pieces with no want of redemption as he knelt so wretchedly beside what remained of his lover’s body.
 
It hurt to watch.
 
“Get out!” Jack said, his voice louder and harsher as he turned fevered eyes upon his team, watching as they hesitated to follow his orders even as they refused to look at Ianto, casting their glances anywhere but at the scene laid out before them.
 
“Now.” The bite in his voice commanded attention, curbing their disobedience and forcing them- reluctant and resenting- to leave, shooting furtive looks over their shoulders till they could look back no more.
 
Jack took a faltering step forward, watching as Ianto reached out to the body, gathering metal and flesh to him as he cradled Lisa against his chest, blood and tears and pain so palpable in the room that Jack could taste the grief upon his lips; tongue swiping over dry lips as he watched in hesitation, knowing that for his part he was just as much to blame for this destruction as Ianto himself was.
 
Hunching his shoulders, Jack moved over towards Ianto, dropping down to his knees beside him and reaching out with a hand that shook to touch at the other man’s shoulder, feeling the flinch of flesh beneath his palm and squeezing his fingers tighter as Ianto grit his teeth against his cries and tried to pull away, murmuring pained nothings as he rocked over Lisa’s body.
 
“Ianto,” Jack’s grip was firm, insistent and tugging even as Ianto screamed for him to let go. Jack ignored him, reaching out with his other hand to pull Ianto from Lisa, taking the screams and the beating of feeble fists against his chest as he wrenched Ianto from his hold and pulled him close, gathering Ianto to his breast and clasping him as tight as he was able, rocking them both as Ianto cried and cried and the tears soaked through his shirt and stained his skin with its burn of truth and Jack clenched his eyes closed tight against the pitiful murmurings of one man’s broken heart.
 
“I’m sorry,” Jack breathed, “I’m sorry, Ianto.” He whispered, over and over into the younger man’s hair, ignoring the scent of blood and sweat and he buried his face in Ianto curls and tried to ignore the way he repeated Lisa’s name over and over like a mantra that would somehow- but never ever- bring her back…
 
Lisa! Lisa…! Oh god, oh please… Lisa!
 
There were tears in Jack’s eyes, never seen as they fell unbidden upon Ianto’s crown.
 
 - - -
 
‘In a way I realised that she was already dead,’ his voice was soft, childlike as Jack held him close and tight and safe, ‘ I just couldn’t accept it.’
‘Love is like that.’ Jack replied with equal softness, pressing a kiss to his brow.
‘What would you know about love, Jack?’ And for all the railing and screaming and hating he’d done, Ianto managed the question with seriousness, lifting his head to fix red-rimmed eyes upon Jack.
‘I’m not the monster you make me out to be, Ianto.’
‘No?’ Ianto asked, lifting a finger to touch a tracing line across the pout of Jack’s bottom lip.
‘No,’ Jack said, his eyes turning sad, ‘I’m just not as human as I’d like to be.’
 
 - - -
 
Ianto’s crying faded to the silence of sniffles and hiccups, his hands flexing in their hold of Jack’s shirt as he was cradled close, all but settled in Jack’s lap now as the violence of his grief died down to a more manageable level. Jack’s hand moved over his back, rubbing and soothing and just being there for him- knowing that despite the comfort he offered now, Ianto would hate him just as much once the numbness faded.
 
Shifting his weight, Jack kept his expression purposefully blank as Ianto looked up, daring to meet this man’s gaze with puffy eyes and a sickly pallor, his cheeks a subtle blush and shining with the wetness of fallen tears as he parted his mouth for another shuddering breath and Jack’s hand touched so softly at his cheek, catching the silent tears that slipped from the corners of Ianto’s eyes without comment.
 
He wasn’t sure who made the first move as mouth was pressed to mouth, but he did not pull away despite knowing how very wrong this was and took Ianto’s lips with his own and soothes what he could of grief with kisses deep with depth and unspoken emotion. There is salt to their kiss, and a desperation that Jack can taste with the meeting of tongues and the grip of long fingers against his collar.
 
Slowly, Jack pulled away from Ianto, ignoring the breath of a whimper as he moved to cradle Ianto’s head against his shoulder once more. Just to hold him. Just to hold.
 
 - - -
 
‘I’m sorry it had to end like this.’ Jack says, running a hand down Ianto’s back.
‘I’m sorry too,’ Ianto smiles, rolling over to see him.
‘But not for what you did?’
‘Love makes people do crazy things, Jack. I’m only sorry I caused so much pain.’
‘Will you ever forgive me?’ Ianto caught the hand that brushed up his chest, raising it to cup his cheek.
‘You are what you are, Jack.’ Ianto looks seriously at him, ‘ My forgiveness won’t change that.’
‘No, I don’t suppose it would.’ Jack breathes, the sound heavy, weighed down.
‘I do forgive you.’ Ianto whispers into their kiss.
 
 - - -
 
Ianto’s eyes found Jack almost immediately as he stepped back into the hub, his appearance as immaculate as ever, no sign of untoward emotion to be seen upon his face as Jack looked back at him. He bowed his head in acknowledgement and waited breathlessly for the gesture to be returned- is this all right, Jack? Please, tell me this is okay now.
 
And Jack nodded his head back, bowing down in a silent reply and Ianto’s knees felt weak, - for now, Ianto. For now- his hands trembling as he looked away and around for something to busy himself with and feeling the burn of his cheeks as a ghost of a memory washed over him, bringing with it the imaginings of things that were and things that were yet to be.
 
Ianto didn’t remember much of the immediate aftermath of Lisa’s death, but he knew that he should. Knew that so much more had happened between watching Lisa’s body hit the ground and then looking up from a steaming mug of coffee to meet Jack’s impenetrable stare. So, so much more and yet, maybe there was mercy in it all.
 
 - - -
 
Fin.
 - - -
 
 
music: Start § The Jam
 
 
 
lower_case_melower_case_me on November 21st, 2006 08:56 pm (UTC)
Wow. I always love your fic and that was no exception. Very dark, very hard, very much better than what we got to see on screen.
Campaspe: Impalacs_whitewolf on November 21st, 2006 11:22 pm (UTC)
I aim to please, darling! I'm at home writing the 'darker' toned stories, I must admit, and so I thank you very much for reading and enjoying. :)

Peace,
CS WhiteWolf
Lady Koori: torchwood facesladykoori on November 21st, 2006 08:58 pm (UTC)
Oh, that was nice. Very well written.
Campaspe: Young Severus Snapecs_whitewolf on November 21st, 2006 11:22 pm (UTC)
I'm very glad you think so, thanks for commenting!

Peace,
CS WhiteWolf
NOM NOM NOM: jack/iantosam42 on November 21st, 2006 09:08 pm (UTC)
Oh, I loved it.
Campaspe: TW: Ianto casualscs_whitewolf on November 21st, 2006 11:23 pm (UTC)
::squishes::

Thank you!
I'd call you a genius but I'm in the roomelfinessy on November 21st, 2006 09:12 pm (UTC)
how do you write so beautifully and so fast? this is heartbreaking and hopeful at the same time....
Campaspe: TW Jack sleepcs_whitewolf on November 21st, 2006 11:28 pm (UTC)
::shy smile:: I tend to get really excited over my fandoms, depending on what is happening with them and Torchwood is no exception- it's so squee worthy that I find myself writing anything and everything that comes to mind. Half of my TW stuff is likely never to see the light of day saying that however!

Thank you for your comment, I was going for the angst but with a touch of hope too and I'm glad you got that :)

Peace,
Campaspe
Jenny: Captain Jackladyjeanetta on November 21st, 2006 09:23 pm (UTC)
After many hours of cleaning house, this was a breath of fresh air, a spot of heartbreaking beauty in what has otherwise been a rather gray day. Thank you.
Campaspe: TW Ianto wide-eyedcs_whitewolf on November 21st, 2006 11:31 pm (UTC)
I'm very pleased you found this satisfying, especially after a day of cleaning, and that you were also able to appreciate the 'anguish' of this piece.

Thanks for reading :)
Peace,
CS WhiteWolf
shara50 on November 21st, 2006 10:17 pm (UTC)
That was very, thanks.
Campaspe: Goth Sammycs_whitewolf on November 21st, 2006 11:33 pm (UTC)
I'm reading from your comment that you liked this? :) Thank you, darling, for taking the time to read and review!

Peace,
CS WhiteWolf
(no subject) - shara50 on November 22nd, 2006 12:26 am (UTC) (Expand)
Nixxie, Icon Queen!: Torchwood - Jack so strongnixxie_ on November 21st, 2006 10:28 pm (UTC)
beautifuly written, emotional, heartwrenching yet very real. thumbs up.
Campaspe: TW Jackcs_whitewolf on November 21st, 2006 11:39 pm (UTC)
::smiles::

Such praise, I thank you! I'm always delighted when people find my writing as poignant as you describe it. Thank you very much for reading :)

Peace,
CS WhiteWolf
Nessa: Torchwood: Jack - Lost Heronessaja82 on November 21st, 2006 10:28 pm (UTC)
Wow, that was so great! I seriously love this. *mems* You've got a wonderful style!
Campaspe: TW Ianto Jonescs_whitewolf on November 21st, 2006 11:40 pm (UTC)
You're memming? Thanks! And ta very much for reading. I'm so happy you liked this piece :D

Peace,
CS WhiteWolf
flopsy_cottonflopsy_cotton on November 21st, 2006 11:42 pm (UTC)
Is it possible you just made me love him more?
I wasn't sure that was possible. *Huggles Ianto, and gives you a bag of cookies*
Campaspe: TW Converse and Bloodcs_whitewolf on November 22nd, 2006 12:04 am (UTC)
::munches cookies with big grin::

I don't know if that's possible either but if it is I'm so very psyched to have encouraged more of the Ianto!loving :D

Cheers for commenting!
Peace,
CS WhiteWolf
adafrogadafrog on November 22nd, 2006 02:06 am (UTC)
Very interesting. I'm not sure where the italicized parts fit, time-wise, but maybe it's better that way.
Campaspe: Rickman!Desirecs_whitewolf on November 22nd, 2006 05:19 pm (UTC)
I used the italics to try and give the impression of a conversation that takes place sometime in the future but which still holds all the emotion of the 'past'/their current situation. I'm not sure if it worked for most people but whatever way you interpret it, I thank you for reading and hope you liked what you read. :)

Peace,
CS WhiteWolf
(no subject) - adafrog on November 22nd, 2006 07:05 pm (UTC) (Expand)
bigtitchbigtitch on November 22nd, 2006 05:11 am (UTC)
Awwww. Poor Ianto. The angst, the angst!! I love this.
Campaspecs_whitewolf on November 22nd, 2006 05:27 pm (UTC)
::big grins::

Thank you! I'm so happy you liked this, the more angst sent Ianto's way the better methinks ;)

Peace,
Campaspe
Dominicdomsy on November 22nd, 2006 07:32 pm (UTC)
I love you and your writing! I don't understand how you can write so well and so fast. It's brilliant as always.

I loved how you kept switching between past and present tense. It was very effective.

I'm sorry I didn't comment sooner, but I only just managed to get round to reading it. I would have read it originally when you had posted it privately, but I didn't realise you did. Ah wells! Great work!
Campaspe: SPN these wounds...cs_whitewolf on November 22nd, 2006 08:14 pm (UTC)
Thanks, sweetcheeks! I go through phases of writing, watch me shrivel and dry up with the writing for the next month now that I've churned out so much fic ;)

You should be logged in, my flist gets special fic-reading privileges don't you know! heh. Thanks for reading this, and for liking the tense switches- I always love trying new styles with my writing.

Peace,
Campaspe
Hannah: Jack/Ianto - Snogkeiko_kichi on November 22nd, 2006 10:36 pm (UTC)
I love that when I always read your work it strikes a cord with me. As a writer myself I find it difficult to convey emotions to my readers (guess I need more practice ._.;) but when I read anything you write it always hits home. You make me feel what you write, not just read it.

I mean, I can practically hear Ianto's sobbing in my head, Jack screaming "Get out!" and I can feel the comfort that Jack is trying to convey.

Ugh, must you be so brilliant? :D

Keep up your great work. I always grin when I found out you've written something!

<3
Campaspe: CS wolfpupcs_whitewolf on November 22nd, 2006 11:18 pm (UTC)
I can only say that it must be the years of practice I've had at writing that leads you to say such wonderful things about my work, and I thank you very much for that. It's just lovely to hear when a reader (and writer) appreciates my style. :)

I'm so pleased this piece was realistic enough that you could experience all that was going on- such a great compliment! It makes the writing of this story all the more worthwhile.

Thanks so much for reading and enjoying!
Peace,
CS WhiteWolf
Georgie: Torchwood - Ianto (hug)indiefairy on November 23rd, 2006 12:00 am (UTC)
Got round to reading it at last XD

absolutely brilliant! though I wouldn't expect anything else from you XD

Beautifully written. I loved it XD
Campaspe: DW Jack Kiss Doctorcs_whitewolf on November 23rd, 2006 06:23 pm (UTC)
Aw thanks, darling :) It makes me so very happy to see that you're liking my stuff, thanks so much for reading!

Peace,
CS WhiteWolf
RinRin Live Action~: Londonhoneyswallow on November 23rd, 2006 04:57 am (UTC)
"‘I’m just not as human as I’d like to be.’"

Whoah, that's definitely Jack there, very much him. I'm amazed at how you do it.

But ok, concriiiit! XD

I think I wouldn't have let them kiss that time.
Cuz as nice as it is, I can't imagine two people kissing sitting in blood that a) isn't theirs, b) is all around them and c) comes from two dead bodies of which one belongs two one man's dead girlfriend.

Also, ehm, did Ianto forget most of that kiss in the end? Why?
(Remember I don't wanna sound harsh.)
Campaspe: Praying Mantiscs_whitewolf on November 23rd, 2006 06:30 pm (UTC)
Concrit is very welcome, darling, so thank you for taking the time to leave some!

And as to your queries: I was tying to make it seem as if Ianto was so numbed after the death of Lisa and his subsequent crying/breakdown that the kiss was more of a need for human contact than anything else, it certainly wasn't meant to be anything romantic! heh. I perhaps didn't get that across as clearly as I wanted to!
For your question about Ianto forgetting about the kiss- yes, he has in a way. If you go with my intention above, then Ianto most likely would have blanked the incident from his mind just because of how traumatic it was for him. Either that or Jack's slipped him a drink ;)

I hope that makes sense, I will try to make my intentions a bit clearer next time if you're still a bit "O_o..." with me XD

Thanks very much for reading, I do appreciate your comments!
Peace,
CS WhiteWolf